refocussing

The effort to stay positive is daily and ongoing. There are no shortage of distractions that can detract from positivity.

Pressures and expectations keep us running around, doing what we do ... but it's how we do it all that makes the difference. Take yesterday, for example ... Janice and I invited a few friends over for a pot luck dinner, to play some games and have a few laughs. It's nice to do entertaining occasionally ... an opportunity to socialize (and a good motivator to do some much needed cleaning around the house).

I had a to - do list to attend to before the guests arrived that included running around to get a haircut, picking up groceries and a prescription, and to get a few things from my car which is in the garage for service. Ah, yes - my car. Yesterday it was towed from the parking lot of the school I was working at out in Barhaven to the shop ... my brakes has seized. The shop has informed me that my car will be in the shop for a week, while parts are acquired from far away ... and the bill? About $1600 for new brakes all 'round. I am grateful we have two cars, and I have the resources to foot the bill. Hey - if you own a vehicle, it costs money. At least the tow was free ... thanks to my CAA membership.

Anyway, so I'm out and about ... watching the clock, because I also need to get back home to take care of a few other things on the to - do list at home before guests arrive. Saturdays are not the best days to go to get a haircut if you are in a hurry ... they are a little busier, and odds are pretty good you may have to wait a while.

Sure enough ... I did have a bit of a wait - about an hour. I chose to suck it up, and not be frustrated. I decided that I would not give in to pressure, let go and just chill until I was done here. I relaxed, read the paper, played a little sudoku on my PDA and refused to obsess about being without my car for a week and having to shell out all that cash for the brakes. I focussed on my goals for the day and decided that this was going to be an enjoyable, fun, happy and productive day.

That's such a powerful tool ... the carrot that dangles in front of us ... keeping us on track, motivated and headed to success. Little successes and big ones. Keep your eyes on the prize.

I got the haircut, grabbed my stuff from the car at the shop, popped by my favourite supermarket for groceries to find it overwhelmed with shoppers. The parking lot was jammed, and I decided to not accept any stress here, and go elsewhere for what I needed. Life is full of alternatives, and going somewhere else would be smarter.

In the end, I did my grocery shopping, got my haircut, grabbed my stuff from my car, picked up the prescription and made it home to take care of the rest of my to - do list. Janice did a great job of cleaning and setting things up, the guests came over, and the evening was a wonderful success.

Life has no shortage of opportunities to make us angry, unhappy, frustrated, pressured, anxious and stressed ... we have the power within us to refocus, and stay positive. Spending time frustrated, angry and stressed does nothing good. There are some things we have control over, and some things we don't, so there is no point in reacting negatively to events beyond our control ... all that does is make it worse.

Keep your eyes on the prize.

attitude adjustment

Once in a while I find myself a little short of patience.

I don't like being cranky, and sometimes have to make a bit of an effort to escape from that mind set.

Let's face it ... if we don't get a decent night's sleep, feel pressured by challenges and responsibilities, or are in a bit of a rut, most of us can find ourselves feeling frustrated.

Often we can't control what comes our way,

but we can control how we react to it.

Strategies I use to try when I want to improve my attitude:

• Get a little more exercise
• Contemplate the GOOD things in your life
• Seek more sunshine
• Force yourself to do something you've been putting off
• Listen to music
• Take a St. John's Wort
• Focus on happy events you are looking forward to in the future
• Treat yourself to a treat that you can be proud of, is healthy, and honours yourself
• Get out and get some fresh air
• Escape, and go see a "feel good" movie
• Think about your accomplishments, and take pride in your good work
• Use positive affirmations to remind yourself of good things
• Meet a friend for a coffee or tea
• Give people around you a heads up and warn them of your state of mind

It can be a challenge at this time of year for some of us Canadians to stay positive ... we can feel like we've had enough of winter and are ready for spring ... there can be a lack of sunshine, and at times we can feel a little stir crazy ...

Fight the blues!

We deserve to be healthy and happy,

and the people around us don't deserve to be exposed to our crankiness.

The choice is ours ... we can selfishly dwell in despair, frustration and anger, or we can spend more time feeling good about life and who we are ...

twenty years ago

I am celebrating an anniversary ... it was 20 years ago that I started working in Education.

It's a little weird in a way - I hated school. I floundered academically, and remember struggling, finding it all truly horrible. It was a fairly painful time in many ways.

After leaving school, I had no idea of what I wanted to do. I went from job to job trying different things, hoping to find my calling. I was a carpet cleaner for a while, vacuum cleaner salesman, taxi driver, courier, an assistant manager at a restaurant, newspaper sales regional representative, A Theatre Production Assistant ...

I have to admit ... I have never been too money hungry. I always believed that it was more important to enjoy what you did than to be doing a job because the pay was good.

When I saw the position for an Educational Assistant in the paper, I thought it would be worth exploring. I had experience as a youth help line volunteer, and felt good about the work I had done with that organization over the last couple of years, so I thought this might also be rewarding.

It was ... over the years I have enjoyed working with children and young adults, in many different capacities. My experiences have helped me grow and improve. Through the years I have been fortunate to learn much more, and become an effective, positive role model in the schools.

I have been an instructor for Continuing Education, teaching various computer courses; I have been a Computer Lab Administrator, helping to set up and maintain computers as their popularity increased throughout schools.

In many ways, my experiences as a student in school have ended up helping me be more effective in my job. I can relate to students that are struggling, troubled and feeling lost.

School is not for everyone. Sometimes it can be like trying to pound a square peg into a round hole. There are more important things than school ... character, intention, citizenship, perspective. Academics are only part of the picture.

I am proud to work in Education, and continue to grow and learn as the years pass. I look forward to the challenges ahead, whatever they may be ...

February fourteenth

One of my most vivid memories from my youth was on valentines day. I can't remember if it was kindergarten or grade 1, but I do remember how I was introduced to the concept. Kids in the class had little paper bags taped to their desks ... these were our mailboxes for valentines to be received from classmates.

On the day that children brought in their little cute cards, the classroom was abuzz with excitement ... when it was time to deliver the little paper hugs all the students went around and dropped them into the small baggies.

After all the children were back at their desks, they could look at all the valentines received. I was really looking forward to seeing all the wonderful little colourful cards from all my friends.

As the class emptied their bags in front of them, the room filled with the cheerful sound of children having fun, enjoying the wonderful gifts from their friends. For me, it would become my first clear memory of disappointment and pain.

I remember not understanding ... why did all the other children have a pile of little cards in front of them, and I only had two cards? I thought these were my friends, and kids liked me. I remember the empty feeling, and the painful thought - I was unpopular, unwanted and invisible.

From then on, that is how I thought of myself for years to come ... and every valentine's day would be a reminder of that.

It would be a long time before that would change. I was fortunate enough to meet some caring, wonderful people that helped me see things in a better light.

Of course childhood isn't that simple ... there are many other factors and activities that help shape our self esteem, and any one event isn't likely to be solely responsible for your entire persona ... but I do remember that as being my first clear introduction to popularity, and the feeling of being rejected.

Through the years partners have come and gone ... you cross paths with someone, dance with them for a while, and part ways. Some valentines days have been spent alone and some not. Some friends refer to the 14th as Singles Awareness Day ( S. A. D. ) ... and yes, if you're single, it's just another reminder that you are without a partner.

There are people in the world that say V day was created by the card makers, flower sellers and the chocolate manufacturers to make more money ... maybe.

Today, my idea of love, relationships and loneliness has matured. I came to realize that during the times when I was without a partner, I was just "between relationships". This idea brought me a calming peace, and helped to combat that feeling that I would be alone forever. Perhaps that is one of the most destructive and saddening notions ... to be alone forever.

I guess one of the other notions that might pop up here is do we need someone else in our lives to be happy? I believe that everyone is different, and some more independent ... but most people probably want to feel loved and wanted. I came to realize in later years that periods of solitude were a wonderful opportunity for freedom, and to do some serious soul searching, grow and improve. When one is alone, there are no distractions and no compromises ... it can be a great time for spiritual growth and to focus on inner strengths.

I am very lucky presently to have met someone who loving, caring, intelligent and fun. We are blessed to be sharing our lives together, and our lives are richer for it. Janice is truly a treasure, and she has brought me a wonderful joy that I hope I can also return to her.

If you are reading this and you are without that special someone in your life, I hope you know that even though it may not be as obvious as you would like, you are loved. There are people in the world that care for you, and think about you. Be strong, love yourself and celebrate happiness within you. Think about some of the people in your life, and remember the warmth and smiles that the world has to offer.

~ hugs ~

my former self

It wouldn't surprise me to learn that many people can't relate to me anymore ... I am not the man I used to be.

There was a time when I was aggressive and demanding. I am far from perfect, and at times still probably a little demanding, but I am a work in progress. I am not perfect, and expect I never will be. I have come a long way, but know that it is a never ending journey.

I have spent much of my life like many people ... a little misguided. My idea of success was to dominate and win. Anyone can live this way, but there is a price that comes with the lifestyle. Stress and unhappiness were side effects of the world I lived in then. I remember the pressure of the destructive nature of my life back then. It was taking it's toll on my health ... I knew it was no way to live, and that changes needed to be made.

There was a point when I enjoyed arguments, and could win most ... but it produced a lot of negative energy. I could feel the toxic juices flowing throughout my body during the heat of battles ... it was ugly, and in the end, wrong.

I decided that my lifestyle, the way I thought, my goals and intentions had to re - tuned to be healthier and more loving. I set out on a mission to improve my world, my future, my spirit and my health. It would be an upward spiral that involved daily efforts to tap into the positive forces within us all, and focus on what is good in our world.

Adversity can often be a wonderful catalyst for change, and for me it was a battle with Crohn's Disease and a failed marriage. I remember not liking who I was back then and knowing my life needed to change.

Setbacks happen. They are part of life, and we all stumble from time to time. If we can learn from them, forgive and move on, we can be richer for it.

I continue to try to grow and improve. I focus on love, joy and positivity. Life has improved and my world is filled with many good things I am grateful for. The journey continues, day by day, and I keep heading for that man I want to be.